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Worst school reports from the rich and famous
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The Worst School Reports from the Rich and Famous

Ian Connors

With SATs week for KS2 children behind us, don’t forget that school success eluded many famous individuals. As we wind down from another SATs week for KS2 pupils across the UK, it’s a great moment to reflect on the varied paths to success and how school performance doesn’t always predict future accomplishments.

Here’s a lighter look at some of the less glowing academic reports of the rich and famous:

Stephen Fry:

“Stephen has glaring faults and they have certainly glared at us this term.”

Winston Churchill:

“Is a constant trouble to everybody and is always in some scrape or other. He cannot be trusted to behave himself anywhere.”

John Lennon:

“Certainly on the road to failure… hopeless… rather a clown in class… wasting other pupils’ time.”

Gary Lineker:

“He must devote less of his time to sport if he wants to be a success. You can’t make a living out of football.”

Charles Darwin:

“He will be a disgrace to himself and all his family.”

Isaac Newton:

“Will never amount to anything.”

Oprah Winfrey:

“Too much talk at school.”

Lady Gaga (Stefani Germanotta):

“She will never be successful.”

Richard Briers:

“It would seem that Briers thinks he is running the school and not me. If this attitude persists, one of us will have to leave.”

Sir Richard Branson:

“He will either go to prison or become a millionaire.”

These reports remind us that the road to success is not always paved with academic accolades. The candid and often brutally honest school reports of the past did not mince words, offering a stark contrast to today’s more nurturing and supportive feedback.

As educators and supporters of learning at Monster Phonics, we embrace all types of learners—those who excel within the academic system and those who find their way later. In our shared journey under one sky, let’s remember that potential is vast and not always evident in school reports. The next great mind or talent could very well be developing in someone whose abilities are not captured by traditional measures.

Well done to all children and schools for surviving another SATs week!

Ian Connors